You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no telling where you might be swept off to.
- Bilbo Baggins
Dear reader,
I find myself at the end of a long and thrilling journey. Some time ago I arose, animated by a boundless rambling energy and a determination to see where the road would take me.
I first drove to Massachusetts, because I heard they have great tea parties. Unfortunately, all I could find was coffee, some dudes dressed in costumes, and, when I decided to lunch by the decidedly-freshwater Shoe Pond… a HARBOR SEAL?
Harbor seals are usually a coastal species, but for some reason this funky dude decided he’d had enough of that, and (this is true) tried to leave the salt life altogether for a little inland pond!
I shook my head at his folly, no creature of the sea should ever demean itself by dipping in the ridiculously-not-ocean-sized puddles that land dwellers so enjoy.
Disturbed by the lake seal and lack of tea, I decided to show Shoebert how it’s done and headed for the coast. Little did I know, I was entering the Crab Zone.
I stepped beyond this sign and as I passed its unassuming warning claws, a strange transformation came upon me. I began to shrink, and my skin to thicken. My arms grew many times larger, and my legs grew smaller and split in three. I gained an incredible craving for fish, but I saw a further sign dictating that I should not seek that which I needed most. My eyes grew tall and began to rotate of their own accord, then there was a *pop*, a drop, and I was set ascuttle. After that, my memory is hazy, but it appears I did attempt to take notes. They appear as follows:
SccccccccccccrrRRRaaaaaaaattttchhhhhhhcliucklcikcbingbingbingsnipsnipspipnspssssscccccccccccccsscscccccccccsscscscscscscscssrgggggggggggggggggggggggggCLACK!
The next thing I remember I washed up in a South American marina, returned to human form, and was immediately presented with a dilemma: what should I do???
Deciding the ocean was no place for me after all, I returned to the road. Ahh, the feel of the breeze through the windows and the comfort of knowing that any crossing signs will contain pictures of species that have existed closer to the invention of the iPhone than to the times of stegosaurus.
Driving further, I came to the mighty Amazon River, one of the only major world rivers with no bridges.
Seeking to cross, I was directed to a ferry, and reassured by the following sign:
I was skeptical at first, but it was actually true!
We journeyed upriver for some time, passing many fascinating creatures and interesting trees leaning past wide river banks. The extant crocodilians showed little interest in our party, and when visits did happen they caiman went*.
Finally I disembarked near the Peruvian-Bolivian-Brazilian border, and promptly ran out of gas. Luckily, they have great, sustainably-fueled public transportation in the region, which happily carried me home.
It’s the Wild Green Book Club!
This month’s Wild Green Book Club pick is Crossings: How Road Ecology is Shaping the Future of Our Planet
We spoke with the author, award-winning environmental journalist Ben Goldfarb, on the Wild Green Streams podcast!
If you want to join us for book discussions, check out our book club group, here!
If you want to buy the book, here is a good place to do it (affiliate link)!
Ben has also generously offered to send signed and personalized book plates to anyone who reads the book (examples below)!
If you would like one, just send a message to the Wild Green Memes Facebook page with the name/personalization you would like and the address where you’d like it sent.
Meme of the Month
Animal Encounter
While driving through Apalachicola National Forest, we decided we wanted to see who lives under this bridge. We dropped a 360 camera in and here’s what we found. Click around on the video to look in different directions!
Patreon Pavilion
During my ill-fated road trip I came upon a few more signs! We are commemorating them with stickers you can get by becoming a Patreon patron!
The first was outside the murderous bogs of distant South Carolina, where the plants have mouths!
The second was, incredibly, also from South Carolina! This was a real concern for a group of disc golfers there last May.
Remember the dinosaur crossing sign? WELL! I also encountered these lovely sticker designs - one of T. rex herself, and a sticker sheet of animals from much further in the deep past, strange creatures that are, in fact, NOT DINOSAURS!
Possum-level patrons signed up by the end of this month will get a Houseplant Crossing and a T-Rex Fact Sticker in the mail!
Shark-level patrons signed up by the end of this month will get all four designs!
Good News Update
And now, it is time for poetry
Buzzing mosquito Is just living life, ok? it still bit me tho
HELP! WE NEED TO KNOW!
Last month’s poll results:
Correct answer: pink fairy armadillo!
*I’m sorry.